Forrest Gump Confesses

The Forrest Gump of Global Terror has confessed. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is one of the three hundred and twenty seven (courtesy : random number generator) people the US considers to be Al-Qaeda No 3. This Global terrorist was arrested in March 2003 in Pakistan and was placed in Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. The terrorist confessed on March 10th of 2007.

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You might have heard this one, but can't resist, this is my all time favourite. Once, way back in early 90's there was a competition for the best police force in the world. The top three finalists were the Russians, Israelis and Kerala police. The challenge was to go into the Muthodi forest and catch three "absconding" tigers.

The Russians took the first turn, and after a day returned with the tiger. Next the Israelis went into the forest and caught the tiger in half a day. Finally, Kerala police went in. Days passed without any news and after a week a search team was sent out to look for them.

The search team found the KP guys just half a mile into the forest. There was a Bear tied to one of the trees and a constable was standing next to it, punching the bear in the stomach. The bear was wailing "I'm not a tiger,I'm not a tiger". The Kerala police chief said " we caught the tiger in less than ten minutes, but this sonofabitch is not confessing".

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has confessed to personally beheading journalist Daniel Pearl, 1993 World Trade Center bombing,Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in the United States,''Filka Island Operation'' in Kuwait, Bali bombings, Shoe-bomb plot for bombing trans-Atlantic flights, plotting to bomb Sears Towers and Empire State building, Plotting to assassinate all American Presidents including Jimmy Carter, Plotting to attack Straits of Hormuz, the Straits of Gibraltar, the Port of Singapore,Panama Canal, Heathrow Airport, Big Ben ,Canary WharfS,NATO headquarters in Brussels, Israel Embassies, US Embassies, plotting the Bojinka Operation to take down 12 American planes in Indonesia AND planning to Kill the Pope, Kill Musharraf and Kill Clinton.

Read full confession here (there are many that I left out after fainting)

Khalid is not just the Forrest Gump of terror, he is the James Bond of terror or rather the Rajnikanth of terror. Osama Bin Laden is reportedly fuming in his cave despite the Afghan winter. Reports say he feels betrayed and mugged in broad daylight. OBL is planning to confess and take responsibility for JFK assassination, Katrina Hurricane and Global Warming to regain his terror status.

Khalid in the meantime on a fast track to terror sainthood in Pakistan and the middle-east might claim responsibility for "plotting" in this mega case as well. That might be another feather in the cap for FBI and Kerala Police.

Road to the White House - Miami Caucuses

With the Presidential race for 2008 getting heated up , Miami Caucuses yesterday decided on a bipartisan ticket for 2008. The Caucuses across Budweiser suggested a Republican as President and a Democrat as his VP. The Lincoln-Kennedy '08 ticket was announced by the Caucus leader Stephen Colbert with much fanfare outside Sunday's Superbowl venue. Within minutes CIA's closest base at Bay of Pigs with written authorization from Langley informed the Caucus that both Lincoln and Kennedy were killed and probably both were dead. The Caucus in a state of extreme shock, downed a gallon of Mojito and observed a moment of silence. The Caucus also decided that probably a bipartisan ticket might not be a good idea in a country that has opinions. The search for a new President is on.

How does this CV look like ?

Eric Seagal's book Love Story was closely based on him and his Harvard roomie Tomy Lee Jones.

Serves in Apple's board of Directors and advisor to Google's senior management.

Consistently opposed the war in Iraq and Abu Ghraib, stating the facts. He said "We would not have invaded a country that did not attack us. We would not have taken money from the working families and given it to the most wealthy families. We would not be trying to control and intimidate the news media. We would not be routinely torturing people."

He didn't say he "invented the internet" but played a major role in creating it. This is what Vinton Gray Cerf and Bob Kahn - the two founding fathers of Internet have to say about our candidate - " He was the first political leader to recognize the importance of the Internet and to promote and support its development. No one person or even small group of persons exclusively "invented" the Internet. It is the result of many years of ongoing collaboration among people in government and the university community. But as the two people who designed the basic architecture and the core protocols that make the Internet work, we would like to acknowledge his contributions as a Congressman, Senator and as Vice President. No other elected official, to our knowledge, has made a greater contribution over a longer period of time. "

He led the foreign policy initiatives during the Clinton years. Remember South Africa, Israel-Palestine, Bosnia - Yugoslavia.

He says Global Warming is not a myth and many of us are convinced. His latest Documentary on global warming has created a new found awareness on the issue. Its the third highest grossing documentary in US history, nominated for the 2007 Oscars. Point is he's been saying this since 1980s and got a copy of the Kyoto Protocol for record - though it didn't do much good.

Nominated for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize for his work on Global Warming.

He served in Vietnam (unlike Bush and Clinton who dodged the draft)

Pioneered the National Performance Review - something every country can do with.

He was elected President of the United States in 2000. But that was the year the US Supreme court elected its own President, our hero - Dubya.

More written word on PBS and NYTimes

Its a long campaign ahead - fresh faces, old horses, promises, vested interests and hypocrisies. More on the 2008 race later. Btw, according to Conan O'Brien, President Bush visited the New York Stock Exchange. It was an awkward moment when President Bush asked, "When do I get to meet Dow Jones?. Then he went on to say the economy is doing pretty good and all the Indian techies smiled. He said Iraq situation is difficult. If Iraq is 'difficult', 'pretty good' for the economy is surely an understatement.

Good Night and Good Luck :-)